


Trust Issues

by krazyk2314



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, Hell Hounds, crossroads deal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 18:29:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4402607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krazyk2314/pseuds/krazyk2314
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is killed on a hunt and you use a crossroads deal to bring him back. You only get one year, and do not tell Sam and Dean. When you go to hell, Crowley uses a special form of torture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Three days. You only had three days left before the hell hounds would come and get you, dragging you down to hell with them. However, you knew you would make the same choice each time. Sam meant too much to you, and the world needed him. Last year he had died, and you had done a crossroads deal to save him. Now your time was almost up, and you still hadn't told Sam, or his brother Dean.

"Earth to Y/N. You okay over there? You were pretty blanked out." Dean asks.

Not wanting them to notice anything was wrong, you shrug it off. "Just tired. These late nights are getting to me."

Dwan looked up at you from the laptop. "Well lucky for you, we are stuck here. It's pretty quiet out there right now."

Just then Sam walked through the bunker door, holding a couple of grocery bags. You run over, helping him with the bags.

"I got your favorite for dinner Y/N, and that new movie you wanted to see. Thought we could make a night of it."

What about pie?" Dean pipes up, and you laugh. You were really going to miss these two knuckleheads. 

Within a half an hour dinner was ready, and you ate it on the couch, sitting between Sam and Dean, watching the movie. Dean soon passed out, and you cuddled up to Sam, and he wrapped an arm around you. You stayed that way until the movie was over.

"Thanks for the great night Sam. That was an awesome move." You yawned.

"Come on sweetheart,  let's get you to bed." He picked you up, laughing when you squealed. He carried you down the hallway, to your shared room, tossing you on the bed.  Laughing, you climb back off, quickly changing into shorts and one of Sam's old tshirts, before climbing back into bed. Your eyes start drooping, and Sam pulls you into his arms, and you fall asleep.

\------------------------

The next day you wake up bright and early, wanting to surprise Sam with a nice breakfast. Staying in Sams t-shirt,  you head up to the kitchen, and turn the radio on as you bake. Using left over french bread, you make french toast, and bacon. Singing along to the radio, you stop when you feel arms wrap around your waist. Turning you face Sam, stepping on your tip toes to kiss him.

"This is a nice surprise, Y/N."

"I just wanted to have a nice breakfast for the three of us." You tell him, pushing him down into into a chair and handing him a cup of coffee. Dean walks in, rubbing his eyes.

"What's that wonderful smell?" He asks.

"Y/N decided to be nice and make us breakfast. "

Dean's at down, and you handed him a cup of coffee, before placing their breakfast plates in front of them. You sit down, and watch as they start eating.

"What?" Sam asks, after he catches you staring at him.

"It's nothing." You reply, getting up to do the dishes.

The day went by fast, spending it with Sam. You took special interest in the little things, like when Sam would brush the hair from your face, or hand you a beer without being asked. Moments like these are what you wanted to take with you, to help survive hell. 

At the end of the day, you started to realize this was it, this was the last night you would be with Sam and Dean. Tomorrow at this time, you would be far away, waiting for the hell hounds to arrive. It started weighing you down, and you quickly went into the bathroom, locking the door, and falling down, tears streaming down your face. Sitting that way for about 10 minutes, you freak when there is a knock on the door.

"Y/N? Is everything okay in there?" Sam asks.

"Yeah, everything is fine. I'm climbing into the shower."

Not sure he completely believed you, you went through the motions of climbing in the shower, letting the warm water soothe you. Once you had dried off, you change into another one of Sam's shirts, and climb into bed beside Sam.

"Hey Y/N?" He asks, still awake.

"Yeah Sam?" You reply, rolling towards him.

He looks down at you, brushing his hand through your hair before placing a hand on your hip, drawing you closer. "You know you can tell me anything right? If anything was troubling you, you would come to me?"

You wanted to tell him, so badly. But you knew that once you told him, he would freak, and him and his brother would spend the rest of the time fighting it, instead of spending it with you.

You touch his cheek, a sad smile on your face. Kissing him gently on the lips you whisper, "I'm fine, Sam, just tired. Let's go to sleep."

He kisses the top of your head, wrapping his arms around you, and quickly falling asleep.

________________________________________________________

Today was your last day. The hell hounds were coming for you tonight. Planning on leaving in the evening, you got up early one last time, walking around the bunker, reliving memories. Memories of your first date with Sam, coming back to the bunker and him kissing you on the cheek before going to his own room. Your birthday, where Dean had made you a cake, and Sam had given you a necklace. Or the time, you were hurt pretty badly, and Sam stayed by your side, it was the first time he had said I love you.

You went to the kitchen, making coffee and sitting there, planning the rest of your day. Sam walked in, kissing the top of your head.

"Morning sweetheart, you're up pretty early again."

"I couldn't sleep anymore," You told him, just as Dean walked in. 

"Hey guys, I'll make breakfast,  you get out of here."

You agreed, and you and Sam went into the tv room, sitting on the couch. You turned the tv on while Sam read the newpaper. You laid your head on his lap, and Sam smiled at you. Too soon, Dean came in, saying breakfast was ready and you head back in the kitchen, eating pancakes and laughing at Dean's jokes. He had woken up in a great mood, and a little bit of it rubbed off on you.

After you were finished,  Sam glanced at you. "Dean and I are going to town, we need some supplies. Do you need anything."

"Nope, I'm good," you tell him. He gets up to leave and you stop him, "Hey Sam?"

He looks at you, confusion on his face. You run over, and jump in his arms, kissing him with every thing you had. You step back, "Sam I love you."

"Okay, not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?" He asked, pulling you back in his arms.

"Nothing, just felt like it." You reply, laying your head on his chest.

"Come on guys, it's not like you won't ever see him again. Let's go Sammy." Dean yells, holding the keys to the Impala. You watch as they walk away, knowing that was the last time you would see them. As soon as you heard the Impala rumble away, you fall to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

Calming down a little, you head back into your room, going through your items. Some you threw away, others you placed in in a pile for Sam. You finally take off your necklace, placing it on top of the pile. Looking around the room once last time, you sit down to write a note.

Sam, I'm sorry to leave like this. Do you remember a year ago, on that hunt, where you almost died? While you did, and I couldn't imagine life without you. So I made a deal, one year was all I got. I could never find the right time to tell you, I know you and Dean would do everything in your power to try and stop it. But I wanted to spend my last days with you, getting enough memories to last me down in hell. I wish things could be different, but I've accepted my fate. Please take care of your brother, he will take my absence hard too. Please don't block him out, you both need each other. Don't try to find a way to bring me back, it's not worth it. Just remember our last kiss, a better memory to remember me by. Then I hope you can find someone new. I love you so much!

You walk to the garage, taking the keys to one of the cars. Turning the key, you drive out of the bunker, tears in your eyes as it slowly fades away.

You drive, with the windows down and the radio up. Enjoying one last road trip, you sing along to the radio.  Finally when dusk settles over you, you find a meadow, and pull in. Leaving the key on the seat, you climb onto the hood, gazing at the stars as they slowly appear. Then you hear it. In the distance, howling as the hell hounds approached. You climb off the car, standing there bravely, as they come towards you, tearing you to pieces. Your last thought was of Sammy, his name whispered on your lips as your eyes slowly glazed over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter talks about torture and rape, but only slightly.

"Hello Darling," a smooth British voice said, waking you up. Opening your eyes, you find out you are in a small stone chamber, with a dark haired man in a black suit staring at you. You are chained to a table, wearing nothing but your bra and panties.

Trying to act brave, you ask, "Who are you? And what the hell do you want with me?"

"Darling, you mean that your Moose of a boyfriend hasn't told you about me? I'm Crowley King of Hell."

"Well, that answers one question, but what about the other one?"

"I have something special planned for you. You only thought you saved your precious Moose. But you didn't, and now he's down here with you."

Tears started streaming down your face. "You're lying. Sam's back at the bunker, he can't be down here."

"Why don't you see for your self. Oh and by the way, he's mad at you, and is ready to inflict some punishment. He's learned well in the short time he's been down here."

As Crowley talks a figure emerges through the door. It was dark so you could only see he was tall. He walks in farther, and you cry even harder. It was Sam, it was true, he was really in hell. 

"Sam, what are you doing here?"

"I tried to save you," he said, running over and putting his hands around your face, kissing you.

"I think I will leave you two love birds alone," Crowley said, leaving the room. When he left, Sam stepped back, an evil smiling taking the place of his usual one.

"Sam, what's wrong?" You asked, getting worried. 

"Do you really want to know? I tried to save you, and I failed. Now I'm stuck here, all because of you. I should have forgotten about you, it would have been easy to replace you. But at least I get to do the torturing, instead of being tortured," he smirked, holding up a knife.

"Sam you don't have to do this," You begged.

"Oh I know I don't, but I want to." He replied, running the knife down your arm. Screaming, you beg him to stop, but he smiles at you before running it down the other arm. Time seemed to stand still as Sam carved you into pieces, both physically and mentally. By what you thought was the end of the day you were exhausted and defeated. Sam places his hand on your cheek, leaning down to kiss your forehead. "Until tomorrow, sweetheart."

The next day you woke up, as good as new, at least physically. Hoping yesterday was a horrible nightmare, you cringe when Sam walks in.

"I'm so sorry Baby. It wasn't me yesterday, they made me do it. Can you forgive me?" He asks, tears running down his face. 

"Of course Sam, I forgive you. Are you here to get me out?"

He stopped crying and smiled. "Of course not Bitch, why would I do that. Today is more fun for me, but maybe not for you."   
You watch as the Sam you loved turned into a monster, raising his hand and slapping you across the cheek. One slap turned into two, and then the fists started raining down on you. By the time he was done, his knuckles were bloody, and you were covered in bruises, and had at least one broken rib. You pass out from the pain.

The third day was the worst, mentally. Sam walks in, straight over to you. He tries to kiss you, but you turn your head, knowing that torture would be next. Instead, he unlocks the chains holding you, and picks you up. He sits down on the floor, cradling you against his body "I'm so sorry Y/N, so sorry. I can't believe I did that. I would never want to hurt you, I would rather die."

You sit there, unsure what was happening. When you start to feel safe, he grabs your hair forcing your face up to his, slamming his mouth against yours.

"Sam, that hurts, please stop." You beg, but Sam laughs, before pushing you on the ground and forcing himself on you. After, you curl into a ball, sobbing. He forcefully picks you up, slamming you back on the table, chaining you back up and leaving. 

That is how your days in hell were spent. It was always Sam, but you were never sure what he would do to you. Everyday he would act sorry, but then he would torture or rape you. After so long, you wished you could end it all, it was too horrible. 

Crowley came back to visit you. "Hello Darling, how has Sam been treating you. Horribly I hope."

"That can't be Sam, it has to be some sort of monster," you yell, knowing you were wrong.

"I did a wonderful job didn't I? It didn't take long for him to become my prized student. He took to torture like a fish to water. I'm sure it helps that he gets to torture you. He can't stand you." Crowley told you, leaving just as Sam walked in. Again and again he tortured you, and you finally broke, falling unconscious. 

One day, you woke up expecting another day of torture. You were in a small, dark place. Pounding on the lid, you scream, but no one answers you. A coffin, you were in a coffin. Wondering how you made it into the coffin, you start breaking the wood, choking on the dirt falling through. You were buried. Using your hands, you shovel your way out of the dirt, breathing deep once you made it to the surface. Feeling a burning sensation on your shoulder, you pull up your sleeve to see a red hand print. Glancing at your surroundings, you were surrounded by trees. Walking a few feet farther, you find your car, still sitting where you had left it. There was a note from Dean inside, along with the keys.

I understand why you did it but Sam is having a hard time. I have have a feeling you will be back, so I left your car here. Please come back to us.

You read his note, smiling that Dean never gave up on you. Knowing he would be heartbroken about the way his brother turned out, you didn't want to break the news over the phone. Deciding to find a nearby hotel, you turn the car on, being able to relax for the first time in a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a long horrible week. After climbing out of your grave, you traveled down the road, quickly coming across an old run down motel. Thanking Dean for leaving some cash in your pockets, you quickly check in and head into your room. The first thing you do is take a shower, rinsing all the dirt and grime off of you. Looking at yourself in the mirror you are surprised to see all of your scars gone, nothing left from your time in hell. At least not physically anyways. Walking across the street, you walk into a liquor store,  buying whiskey and beer. You were afraid of what the nightime would bring, scared to close your eyes and see Sam do those horrible things to you.

You walk back into your room, taking a swig of whiskey, before laying on the bed and turning the TV on. After awhile you felt your eyes start to droop shut, but they are quickly opened when you see Sam stabbing you over and over.

That was how the week went. Drinking to dull the memories, sleepless nights filled with whiskey and random tv shows. Staring at the room phone, trying to gather the courage to call Dean, to let him know you couldn't save his brother, that he was still down in hell torturing people.

Finally deciding that rotting away in a motel room wasn't doing you any good, you decide to be brave, and head towards the bunker. Dean needed to know about his brother, and it was something better told in person.

It wasn't a long trip to the bunker, but you took your time, dragging it out as long as possible.  Stop for food you only played with, gas your car really didn't need, a stop for pie as a peace offering for Dean. A 2 hour trip turned into 4, and it was almost dusk by the time you pulled in front of the bunker. There were no other cars outside, but that meant nothing.  Dean probably parked his Baby in the garage.

Taking a deep breath,  you knock on the bunkers door, your heart rate speeding up as you waited. Finally the door opens slightly, with one of Dean's apple green eyes showing through the slight opening. He sees that it's you, and he opens it up wider,  shock registering on his face.

"Y/ N? Is it really you?" He asks, before splashing you with holy water. You expected this, the testing to make sure you weren't a supernatural being. You raised your arm so he could make a small cut with a silver knife.

"It really is you, I had given up hope, it's been over a year." He tells you before crushing you in a hug. You walk with him down the stairs, and sit at the table as he gets a couple of beers out.

You take a sip, as you try and decide the best way to tell him about Sam. You open your mouth,  but he beats you to it.

"I know it's in the past, but why? Why couldn't you tell us, at least tell Sam? We could have figured out a way." He says, still upset.

"I didn't want you to worry, I wanted to spend my last days happy, as carefree as a hunter could be. If I had told you, it wouldn't have been that way."

"I guess I get it, I'm just glad your back now. Any idea who brought you back?"

"No idea Dean. But about Sam, I've got to tell you. I'm so sorry..." You start to say, but the bunker door opens and in walks the man you were just talking about.

Dean goes over to Sam, "I've already done all the tests, it's really her, Sam." 

Sam looks over at you, shock and disbelief evident on his face,  but they quickly turn to shock once he looks at you. You are standing, using the chair in front of you as a shield, face white, and body shaking, with tears streaming down your face.

"Y/N, it's just me, your Sam. I promise I won't hurt you," He pleads, walking closer to you.

"Get away, I can't take anymore, please!" You beg, before running to your old room, shutting and locking the door behind you. Falling onto the floor, you bring your knees to your chest, rocking as you sob uncontrollably.


	4. Chapter 4

As you lay there crying, there is a knock on the door, "Hey Y/N, it's me Dean. Sam left. Please let me in."

Gathering up the strength, you push yourself off the floor, and unlock the door before collapsing on your bed.

Dean opens the door, and sits next to you on your bed. He tries to place his hand on your back, but you flinch,  not being able to handle personal contact. 

"I don't know what happened to you down there, but I know it was probably horrific. I don't know what they made you think, but Sam wasn't down there with you." Dean told you.

Sitting up, you looked at Dean. "He wasn't?"

Dean shook his head. "Man they really messed with you down there. Sam was up here the whole time, drinking away his sorrows. I just barely got him back in hunting."

Realizing it wasn't Sam who had tortured you, but a Demon who looked like him made you feel a little better. You take a deep breath and told Dean everything, about Crowley,  and how the Demons tortured you, leaving nothing out. He sat there, not saying a word, but would clench his fists and jaw in anger. When you finished, he got up and paced your room.

"Son of a Bitch! I knew Crowley was a sneaky bastard, but this is a new low for him."

Thinking for a moment you tell Dean, "I know now it wasn't Sam, but I still have all those memories. I'm not sure how I will handle being around Sam. Will you please tell him for me?"

"Sure but he would rather hear it from you." Dean argued.

"I can't, not yet," You begged.

Dean finally agreed, leaving you alone. You lay on your bed, staring at the wall, wondering what would happen now. Would you ever be able to look at Sam again, not as the demon who tortured you, but as the man whom you loved more than anything. As you lay there, you hear the bunker door open, and you sneak down the hallway, wondering what they were talking about. You hide in the hallway, listening in.

"Well Dean, did you get her to talk? It broke my heart when she looked at me like that. What the hell happened to her down there?"

Dean forces Sam in a chair, handing him a shot of whiskey. "Here you'll need this." Dean then tells Sam everything you had told him.

"That's why she freaked around me. I'm going to kill that bastard Crowley!"

"Woah, easy tiger, we need to get Y/N better first."

You peak around the corner and watch as Sam runs his hands through his hair, tears in his eyes. "What can I do Dean? The woman of my dreams can't even look at me right now!"

"We will figure something out, we always do."

A rustle of wings were heard from the room, and Castiel appeared, startling the boys.

"Hello Dean...Sam. Is Y/N back yet?" He asks, walking closer to the brothers.

"Cas, did you raise Y/N?" Sam asked.

"Yes I did, I'm sorry it took so long, but I had to gather enough power before I was able to. Have you seen her? Is she alright?"

Sam takes another shot of whiskey. "Yes I've seen her, I saw her have a panic attack as soon as she saw my face. Dean told me what happened to her down there. It was horrible."

Cas shook his head, "I was afraid of that, she was in Crowley's personal dungeon."

"Can't you make her forget?" Sam wondered. 

"I'm not strong enough to do so." Cas said, shaking his head.

Deciding to join them you walk in, facing your fear. Sam stood up, uncertainty on his face as he took a step towards you, but seeing you take a step back he sits down.

You walk over to the other edge of the table and sit down. "Thank you Cas, for getting me out of there. I know it's going to be hard, but I'm going to try hard to put it in the past. Sam, I know it wasn't you down there, but please understand that it will take me a while to get pass that. I hope you can wait for me, but understand if you can't."

Sam stood up, leaning over the table. When he saw you flinch, he stepped back, with tears in his eyes. "I love you Y/N, and I will wait. I just wish there was a way I could help you."

"Thanks Sam." You say, walking back to your room. Changing into clothes that you had left behind, you climb into bed, wishing that your familiar bed will let you get a couple hours of rest. Closing your eyes, you quickly fall into sleep.

"No, Sam, please stop! No! Stop!" You scream, thrashing about in your bed. Sam rushes in, his face dropping when he hears what you are screaming. He shakes you awake, "Y/N, come on sweetheart, it's just a nightmare, please wake up."

Waking up, you see Sam with his hands on your shoulders, scared, you jump out of bed cowering in a corner. "Please don't hurt me!"

"It's me Sam, not that bastard demon version of me. Please, let me help you. This is breaking my heart."

Trying to be brave, you walk over to Sam, placing your hand on his cheek. He leans into your touch, smiling. However, when he tries to brush hair from your cheek, you flinch, and he draws back as if you slapped him. 

"I'm so sorry Sam. I'm trying. Please forgive me."

He sits against your bed, and you lean on the far side. "it's alright Y/N, I understand, it's just hard seeing you in pain, and being able to do nothing.

He gets up to leave, and you take a chance. "Sam, stay with me?"

He agrees, laying down on his side, facing you but as far away as possible. You lay down, facing him. You take his hand, and hold it in yours, falling asleep that way.


	5. Chapter 5

Waking up, you stretch, feeling rested. Then you see Sam asleep beside you, and you scream, flying out of the bed, grabbing your gun, and pointing it at Sam. Sam sits up, just as Dean rushes into the room. 

Taking in the situation, Dean tries to reason with you. "Y/N, it's okay, you're in the bunker. Please put the gun down, this is Sam, not that demon."

Putting the gun down, you start sobbing. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Sam, I'm so sorry."

"It's alright, we will figure this out." He tells you. Sam and Dean leave you alone, and you change, walking into the kitchen. Dean hands you a cup of coffee, and the three of you eat in silence. 

"What's the plan for today?" You ask, putting your cereal bowl in the dishwasher. 

Dean followed suit, them stood at the door. "Sam and I have a case, so we figured you could stay here and rest while we deal with it. Should be back by tonight."

"No I want to go, it would be better to get my mind off of things." You argue.

Sam stands up. "Fine, you can go."

Quickly gathering your items, you all meet at the Impala, and you climb into the back. "What's the case anyways?" You ask.

Sam and Dean share glances, "Demons. Sure you still want to go?"

"Yeah." You tell them. You knew they were worried because it was demons, but you hated the bastards more than ever, and we're ready for them to die.

Dean drives the Impala, and within an hour, you have reached your destination, an old house in the middle of nowhere.

"They say kids are brought out here, and tortured, before being killed. All they could find was a weird yellow substance on the windows. We think they are holding at least one kid in there right now." Dean informs you, handing you the Demon knife.

You follow them up the porch, into an empty room. Sam takes the top floor, and you stay with Dean. You still didn't trust yourself around Sam after this morning.

Heading towards the back of the house, you hear sobbing. Opening the door, you see a kid tied to a chair, his face bloody.

"Shh, I'm here to help you," You whisper to him, cutting the ropes. He wraps around your neck, almost choking you. You meet Dean  in the hallway. "I'm going to place him in the car, be right back." Dean nods at you, and you walk back outside, telling the kid to stay quiet, and you'd be right back. He agrees, and you turn to walk back in, but Crowley is in front of you. 

"I've missed you darling." He says, before everything goes black.

\-------------------------

You wake up quickly, and realize you are now tied to a chair, in a room in that old house. Crowley walks in with a couple of demons following him.

"I knew you and the boys wouldn't be able to resist this hunt." He says, coming closer. "I've got a surprise for you."

The demons behind him stepped out of the shadow, showing two Sams. "Take your pick. One is the real Sam, the other is your Sam from hell. I'm going to give you your demon blade back, and you have to kill one. Make the wrong move, your lover is dead. The right move, you have revenge. Pick wisely," he tells you, undoing your ropes. He places the knife in your hand, and you step towards both Sams. Knowing it would be foolish to try and kill Crowley, you try to spot a difference between the Sams.

"Sweetheart, it's me, you know I'm the real Sam. He's the one you want to kill," Sam on the right tells you.

You look at Sam on the left. He is staring at you with tears in his beautiful hazel eyes. "I know you will make the right choice. I love you Y/N, no matter what happens."

You close your eyes, and take a deep breath, before stabbing the Sam on the right. You breathe a sigh of relief as he flashes orange, before dying. 

"Well, well, better job than I expected," Crowley claps behind you.

"Now what? Let Sam go!" You demand.

"I don't think so." Crowley says, but before he could take a step towards you, Dean rushes into the room, instantly killing one of the demons. You stab the other one, and turn to attack Crowley, but he vanished.

You rush over to Sam, throwing your arms around him. He hesitates, then returns the hug, holding you closer when you don't flinch.

"I knew you would make the right choice," he whispers into your ear.

Dean looks around the room. "This is interesting. Sam, there's two of you!"

"Yeah Y/N got to fight her demons." Sam told him, and you realized it was true. Seeing both Sam's together, you realized the demon Sam had been missing Sam's heart, his pure and loving soul. Being able to kill that demon, your soul had healed, and you were no longer afraid. Stepping up on your tip toes, you press your lips against his, and groan in pleasure as he runs his hands through your hair.

"I love you so much Y/N," he whispers, with love shining in his eyes. 

"I love you too."

He take your hand, his smile growing as you no longer flinch from his touch. Dean looks between you, glad that his brother, and his best friend are once again happy.

"Let's go home," You tell them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
